Like most people, I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent person.

Additionally, I like to think that I am at least marginally Emotionally Intelligent, that I can feel if someone around me is uncomfortable, that I can, at least on most issues, empathize with other people's emotions if they need me to (if I perceive or if they express the need for such empathy).

The keywords are "reasonably" and "marginally." As I get older and experience more mature situations, I am beginning to doubt that I am at the level that I once so grandiosely thought I had attained.

But, there is a hunger inside of me... Several hungers inside of me.

I want to be more connected to loved ones...

I want to taste freedom from the burdens that I have created for myself...

I want to find the truth...

I want to work harder and smarter and find my niche...

I want to find what I am looking for...

Breckin, my son, has brought to me a feeling of love that I have never experienced. And, I am on that high now. I want more. To FEEL loved? To achieve? To feel connected in a "soulmate" type way...

I am not there yet. Is it because I will not allow it? Or is it because I am not capable of such a connection? Is it out of my control at this point in time? AM I looking in the wrong place? Is that feeling sitting in the corner, staring me in the eye? Does it even exist?

Oh, shit. I stink... been mowing the lawn, and feel and smell like dust and exhaust!

The father / son dynamic has always been interesting to me. To be sure, the male agenda is more complex than women women give us credit! For instance, when my father and I get together we communicate... but within the confines of a project.

We discussed our deeper issues this morning... while waxing my lawn mower? Okay.

Outside of the male dynamic, could you see a project being necessary in order for a married couple to communicate?

Accomplishing more than one thing at a time, possibly de-valuing comversation? But, yet, saying what needed to be said... without all of that eye contact BS.

So, it was approximately 1:45 AM, and I was laying on the couch with a Big Smile on my face, courtesy of Chris Rock (Never Scared). I press the "Guide Button" on the remote to see if I could find something to watch when Never Scared has run its course. The menu, to my utter confusion, moved from 1:30 AM (in one square) to 3:00 AM (in the next). Duh! It took me at least 10-15 seconds to figure it out. So is life during sleep deprivation!

Teresa and Breckin left this afternoon and will not return until mid-week. When they are out of town, sleep escapes me. Especially since there are so many information resources available to me on the Internet. Lectures, interview, Public Radio archives --- a plethora of myriad (redundant) audio and video for my (our) consumption.

These things keep me awake more than I need to be... so is life. Oh well, life is short. I am only wasting my most valuable resource: time... which is in short supply. YIKES!!!

I currently have a 2002 Chevrolet Trailblazer. I love this car. It rides pretty smooth, has most of the options that I desire. Gets around 20 miles per gallon. But...

I have over 90,000 miles on this thing. It's value is dropping like a cliched rock. My extended warranty is gone... And, to be honest at a pure visceral level, I am ready for something new.

And... I want something that gets a little better gas mileage...

2002 Chevrolet Trailblazer:

I am considering two possible alternatives: a smaller SUV option and (2) a car option.

The SUV option would be a smaller, more economical Chevrolet Equinox. A little better gas mileage (19 city, 25 highway)... Chevrolet. Decent looking... However, like the 2002 Trailblazer, this is the car's first year on the market.

The 2005 Chevrolet Equinox



The Car option would be the always trusty 2005 Honda Accord. Proven record. Even better gas mileage (21 city, 30 highway). But, it is a car... would I be happy sitting so low to the ground?

2005 Honda Accord

Any suggestions on these or other cars?

Listen to the Leonard Lopate Please Explain segment on on Getting Organized

Finally you can deal with all those piles of paper on your desk, the boxes under your bed, the stacks of stuff in your closet. On today's Please Explain, Julie Morgenstern, professional organizer, will whip us into shape.

» More on the Please Explain series

Music: Soundtrack to Sonatine, music by Joe Hisaishi

Also, you can LISTEN to Leonard's Please Explain segment on Robbing the Bees by CLICKING HERE! (Note: Very interesting if you like to dispell myths and urban legends!)

YEAH!! New Morrison material!

Before The Doors' Jim Morrison made it as a rock singer, he wanted to make films.

Now, 34 years after his death, the state of Florida has found and restored what it believes to be the earliest film of Morrison, shot in the early '60s when he attended Florida State University.

It was discovered when the Department of State went through 1,000 films in its archive and may have gone unnoticed if Jaime Madden hadn't noticed a familiarity in the way young Morrison was standing in part of the brief clip.

AP photo A young Jim Morrison long before his role as The Doors lead singer.

"He said, 'Oh my god! This is Jim Morrison!' " said Jody Norman, supervisor of the Bureau of Archives and Records Management. "It really tells a lot about an archivists' duty to pay attention to detail."

In the FSU promotional film, Morrison is seen walking to a mailbox and opening a letter. He stops suddenly with his leg thrust forward as a voiceover says, "We regret to inform you that we are unable to accept your application."

A little while later, Morrison is in a university office, dressed in a jacket and tie and questioning authority.

"We would like to accept you," Morrison is told. "Indeed, we'd like to offer more courses, more sections, but we just don't have the space -- that together with the lack of professors."

"But what happened?" Morrison asks.

"How come my parents, and the state and the university didn't look ahead?"

Morrison later dropped out of FSU to attend UCLA film school.

The clip was discovered last year among films WFSU -- a PBS station operated by the university -- donated to the state in 1989 and recently was posted to the state's film archive Web site after being digitally converted. It will air on VH1 this Friday.

"To see that this may very well be the very first video footage of Jim Morrison just shows you we have such a rich history in our state," said Secretary of State Glenda Hood, who said she was a Doors fan.

"Isn't it exciting to know that he is part of Florida State University history and part of Florida history and now people can experience this?"

A Pontiff with the Hands of a Workingman

Weekend
Edition - Saturday, April 2, 2005 · Reflecting on Pope John Paul II's early
vigor, winning personality and "serenity of conviction," Scott Simon remembers a
mass in Chicago. The pontiff's hands showed the effects of his early work in a
stone quarry, tangible evidence of his connection with the mass of
humanity.

The spiritual leader of 1 billion Catholics has died. Illness and suffering
have marked the last days of the 84-year-old pontiff's quarter-century as the
head of the Roman Catholic Church. His papacy has been among the longest and
most activist in history.